My last post was about pulling back the veil on Mental Health in the church. After writing that post I felt there was so much more to say and will be reflecting on different topics pertaining to mental health in the next posts.
Suicide is controversial, personal, and relevant.
It is controversial because in greater mainstream society we don't want to talk about it. We force it back into the grave and bury it with it secrets, trauma, and grief. The church is especially silent on this issue. The Catholic church has even been quoted as saying those who commit suicide are going straight to hell. Well I don't believe that...and I believe we need to start not only talking about this but shouting it from the rooftops.
It's personal. I went to one university for undergrad that competes for the highest suicide rate in the nation. You don't read that on their admissions website. Before I arrived on campus there was a string of suicides, 5 in one year. As a means to cope the students invented a saying: are you joining the diving team? Well the diving team didn't exist. What they were talking about was the multitude of students who had jumped from various buildings around campus. In my time as a student 4 more students would take their lives. In my new university for grad school there has been two suicides this year. Its personal because it is effecting my community and I don't see much being done about it.
Its relevant. We have heard of the "It Get's better" Campaign targeting LGBT youth who are contemplating suicide. But it is not only young people and the LGBT community that is being effected, but our troops coming home and the elderly. Suicide effects all different people with different backgrounds, races, ages, lifestyles, sexualities...
We can't just hope for a close friend to tell us they are thinking of taking their life. We can't just open up more mental health facilities or hire more counselors. We can't just wait for it to happen again to cry foul. We need to start changing things now.
The church is meant to be built on community. We are meant to be a family. The early church and Christ called each other brothers and sisters. They were a collected unit that cared not only for someone's life on Sunday but for their whole lives. I believe if the church takes its role as a community and family seriously it can help prevent suicide.
Before I go on, I believe suicide stems from a disease of depression or other mental health issues. I believe anyone who is contemplating suicide needs to get medical help and counseling. But rarely does even the sickest person want to spontaneously leap to death. There is usually a progression into the darkness.
I would rather the church feel they had done everything, than wish they had done something if suicide hits your congregation.
We can't leave people behind. In a world that tells us to be individuals, as children of God we are meant to be in community. We are not meant to be alone. It is not enough to say "well you're not lonely: you have God". For those suffering depression this is a stab in the heart. For those with depression it takes every effort and piece of energy to feel accepted and part of community...but it doesn't mean they should be out of community.
As someone who struggles with depression, I have been struck down by days where I don't want to get out of bed. It takes every last bit of effort to even go take a shower. But on those bad days when a friend calls or forces me to get out of my apartment I am so grateful. I am grateful that I have people around me who choose to love me even when I can't accept it. Isn't that how God loves us? God loves us when we can't feel it, know it, or believe it. This is how we need to love those who are suffering through the darkness.
At the opening address of my undergraduate university the president declared: "we will never be a school that tailgates or rallies together before sports game. We are a school of individuals finding their own way in the world". A school of individuals that let students slip through the cracks. A school that refused to maintain any sort of community. A school that told its students that they didn't care about them and their loneliness. No help. No community. We can have an independent spirit and still have community. We can be individuals within a family system.
As the church we cannot be like this school. We cannot abandon our brothers and sisters. We need to reach out and love; even when we just don't feel it. Maybe if we take community seriously we can help those contemplating suicide? Maybe we can save just one life?
And as the church...if someone does commit suicide we need to rally in support of the family and community. We should not hide the funeral as if it is a secret. We must stand beside the grieving family as if it is like any other death. We need liturgies and funeral rights written for these occasions. We need to stand with those who grieve lost family and friends. We need to stop blaming others for "the fault" of this death but learn to mourn and grieve freely. If we can learn to grieve as a community in these moments we can stop the silence. We can honor the dead. And Pray that one day no one else will have to make the choice of living or ending one's life.
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