As I transcend the halfway mark of CPE, bravery has risen to the surface as a focal point for my life and identity. I have been told on several occasions in my life that I am either intimidating or a strong woman. I struggle with the identifier of "intimidating" because I want to be everyone's friend but find it even harder to embrace strength...to embrace my bravery.
Women throughout the centuries have been told to be saved not brave. Women are the objects of hero stories. The denouement of a hero's quest. They are not supposed to be the heroine, the strong character. If they do rise to the surface in Joan of Arc fury, then they either become victims of the system or sexualized objects as a way to dismiss their strength as accidental.
As a Christian female it is even harder to find "strong" women characters. There is Esther and Ruth, Mary the mother of God, Mary and Martha...but each woman is over shadowed by a male dominated gender. Even God has been transfixed to a male body. Recently, my eyes were opened to seeing God as a woman. God without gender. God as a woman blew my mind. I had grown up with God my father not God my mother. God my mother opened a whole new world to me. It was like an offering to be brave. That my femaleness was also in the image of God.
Even with the image of God as mother, society has translated "strong woman" into the vulgar labeling of "bitch". If a woman asserts herself then she is a bitch. Men who assert themselves are not necessarily labeled some word loaded with profanity and degradation. In fact men get there strength and "manhood" from bravery. Any Greek epic poem or story centers on some sort of bravery narrative of a male character.
At the end of the day, I don't want to be a man. I applaud women who embrace a masculine lifestyle but I want to be a strong woman. I want to be a BRAVE WOMAN. I want my niece and sisters and female brethren to have strong women to look up to, who are more then vulgar labels and exceptions to the rule.
I want to be able to embrace my bravery as beautiful and not shameful to my gender.
As a queer woman, bravery can also be seen as a reaction to prejudice. The cliche of the angry lesbian gets applied to a lot of outspoken gay women. I am not outspoken because I am angry but because I know who I am. Bravery comes from having the courage to stand your ground...to walk into conflict without fear of losing one's identity and worth. Being brave is essential to loving God. The very act of accepting God's unconditional love is brave. God's unconditional love forces us to make decisions and stand on a foundation counter to a lot of what the world tells us is reality. Bravery has nothing to do with gender. Bravery has to do with faith. I am brave because I have faith that God loves me and that God's love transforms me.
Jesus was brave and died for it. Maybe for me to embrace my bravery...to embrace myself as a strong woman of God I first need to accept the destiny of bravery...
For inspiration to all the brave men and women out there...if you haven't watched the silent film "The Passion of Joan of Arc" its a must. Here is a taste for you...
